#CaptureYourGrief – Day #22

Dreams & Rituals

Part 1


Today’s topic is seriously very broad. Day #22 is about both dreams and rituals. I have opted to make two posts because they are two very different topics for me.
Dreams are something that I often read about from others. People post about their children visiting them in dreams. Even my own family has these encounters. I however have not had them and I am okay with that. I am not sure how I would feel about a “visit”. I am content to hold my baby in my heart and not have to long for sleep to feel her. Even so, I have dreamt of other things.
Before we lost Clara I did dream about standing in Bittner Funeral Chapel in front of 2 different sized caskets. Both baby caskets. I dreamt about burying a child. I dreamt that dream almost a dozen times. Each time waking up and quickly checking on a sleeping baby.
Although none of it was the same, I attributed that dream to the very recent loss of my brother. I just thought my mind was so tired from new baby, sleepless nights, and working again. I figured my mind just melded the whole bit together into one messed up dream. I had no idea that in May, I would actually be standing in the front of that very same funeral home, in front of two slightly different size caskets, and choosing one for my baby.
I feel like dreams don’t just apply to sleep. Dreams can mean the future we envisioned. I have touched on this a lot during this #CaptureYourGrief project. The dreams of what the future “could have been like”. These are the dreams I see with my eyes wide open. I experience many of these types of dreams. They are my pink lemonade. My bittersweet.

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