Gratitude
Gratitude is more than being being thankful for the people who have helped me along the way. It is also about being thankful for the situations and small things that have been found in the storm clouds. The most helpful thing for me during my times of suffering has been finding something good in the day, focusing on that, and being thankful for it.
After we lost Clara those good things were small. A hug, not throwing up, kind words were things I started with. They redirected my attention when by body reminded me that it was time to feed the baby that was no longer in my arms. It was through finding things to be thankful for that I found a way to be thankful for those “feed your baby” reminders. It gave me an opportunity to share Clara’s milk with others babies who were in need. We sent 356 oz of her milk to the Rocky Mountain Mother’s Milk bank in Denver. (When Lincoln’s allergies were diagnosed I experienced a similar circumstance and we knew right away we would donate. With him we drove 2,222oz to the University of Iowa Mother’s Milk Bank.) There was great comfort and thankfulness found in helping others instead of dumping it all down the drain.
When I went back to work finding things to be thankful for became extremely important. People made off-the-cuff remarks or condolences that weren’t exactly comforting. I needed something, other than these, to hold. Each night I would sit down and find my good things to set my heart on. I tried to focus on how thankful I was that each person thought enough to stop by and remember Clara and less on their comments. It was through this process that I was able to let a lot of things roll off my shoulders.
This kind of being “thankful for” is one I offer to many along the loss journey. For those who dedicate time each day for their heart, there is comfort. It won’t fix everything but it will help set your heart on a path to let go of the bad and cling to the good.
My husband and I have turned this concept into a bedtime routine for our children too. Each evening we sit and pray thanks for the things we are “thankful for”. Sometimes the kids are thankful for things, other nights it is deeper. It depends on their age and the type of day they’ve had.
We have learned a lot about our kids through the prayer time. We see what makes them happy or sad. We hear their pain when they ask if they can pray for someone else. The best thing is they go to bed and wake happier. We get to see little pieces of their big hearts.
My experience with setting my heart on the good has helped me in other situations in my life as well. As we deal with Lincoln’s health, it helps to focus on the good things. When we heard the news that Lincoln wasn’t ever going to be able to use the bathroom like a normal boy, it was devastating. When we started doing clean intermittent catheterizations life was in turmoil. By the end of the first week, we noticed a huge change in our little boy. He was calmer and better behaved. For the first time in his life his bladder was empty after he relieving himself. It was in that good that we found comfort in the sadness. He was actually happier! That is what we chose to focus on.
Today I don’t need to set aside as much time for this but I still use it to help me through so many situations of life. I am grateful for the changes and comfort my family has gotten by actively being “thankful for” things in our lives. Sometimes our gratitude is small, sometimes big. Either way filling your heart with good things leaves little room for the bad to get in there and fester.
“Fill your heart with what’s important…
and be done with all the rest.”
Unknown
#WhatHealsYou
#CaptureYourGrief
