Music

Since the first day I saw the list of topics for this year’s #CaptureYourGrief project I have been thinking about today’s topic.  In the past I have shared links to music that have touched me or mean something to me.  I have to wonder what they mean to others because like books, music can speak differently to each of us.  The beauty of music is that it catches every emotion we feel.  I truly believe that the music we listen to is a reflection of everything we have been through.

The same is true for the songs from shortly after Clara’s funeral.  Songs touched my heart and tore my heart out still have that affect sometimes.  On other occasions they bring me comfort.  It really depends on the day.  Without a doubt my song preferences have changed as my grief has changed.  Songs mean different things at different times.  They lose or gain meaning depending on our circumstances.

Two years ago I created a video in memory.  Today that song still shares the thoughts that I often have.  “Who would you be?” and “Who would you look like?” are things I have posted a lot about this month.  Here is a link to that video https://youtu.be/WzarXf5z9Ms. It is a song that I don’t hear often but when I do I immediately think of Clara and the future we missed.

As I was preparing for today’s topic I pulled out my accordion to play.  I was so lost on where to go, what song to choose. I thought if a I just played a little music to get it might help me to get to into the right frame of mind.  I had no idea the sheet music I was playing from would be my song and my words from the heart this year.

My grandpa gave me the song almost 9 years ago when he began teaching me to play.  I have never really read the lyrics though.  I mean I noticed the blue eyes crying and thought it was special considering I have blue eyes and missed so much of my life with him.

Grandpa always wanted me to play it upbeat but for some reason I just felt like this should be a soft, melancholy tune.  I am sure my grandpa’s take on it is because for the most part artists like  Willie Nelson play it a little faster. It is a love song I suppose. This one is my sad love song.

Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain

In the twilight glow I see her
Blue eyes crying in the rain.

As we kissed good-bye and parted
I new we’d never meet again

Love is like a dying ember
Only memories remain
Through the ages I’ll remember
Blue eyes crying in the rain.

Now my hair has turned to silver
All my life I’ve loved in vain
I can see her star in heaven
Blue eyes crying in the rain.

Someday when we meet up yonder
We’ll stroll hand in hand again
In a land that knows no parting
Blue eyes crying in the rain.

It certainly has Clara written all over it.  She and I are both blue eyed.  The day of the funeral I stood a long time next to her casket. Finally they told me they had to put the lid on and that when they did it would seal forever.  There was no going back.  I remember knowing I would never lay eyes on her again.

My love for her is truly in memories now.  Some of those memories are old, some are made after her passing.  One thing is certain is that as I get older, those memories are very precious to me.  They will be all I have to remember her by.  I know someday, when I am old and pass, I will hold her again.

Blue eyes crying in the rain…

#WhatHealsYou