Tag Archives: Reflection

#CaptureYourGrief – Day #30

Reflection

#CaptureYourGriefDay30

Reflection is difficult.  This project takes time each day that I am used to sharing in other ways.  It takes more time because I need to calm the life, mind, and heart to really get to the bottom of each topic.  It isn’t an easy task.  Really it is a commitment to calming the waters every single day and seeing what is really there.

This year as I look back at the month, I can tell where I was able to reflect well.  I see my heart.  There were other days when I just couldn’t/wouldn’t go more in depth.  As much as I want to share everything, there are some things in that reflection that could cause pain or hurt to others.  Those are the pieces missing from my reflection, my movements in the water.

I thought this image was fitting for today.  Taken while on date night with my husband, it is a picture of the new theater being built on the University of Iowa campus.  It is clear that the moving water doesn’t allow for a detailed reflection.  We simply get the big or brightest pieces.

I think that are times in our lives when we focus can only see those big or bright parts.  Here is the thing, if those pieces are good memories, we feel good but we might miss out on growth. On the other hand, if those spots are bad, we focus on the wrong things and we miss out on healing.  What if you could take the time to see the whole picture.  That is what the #CaptureYourGrief project does for me.

As this month of blogging comes to an end I am thankful for the topic of reflection.  That is truly what this month is about.  Reflecting on the life we held, the love we still have, and the grief through it.  Thank you to everyone who has followed the journey this year.  Thank you to Bri for posting every day to Lach’s Legacy’s Facebook page.  Thank you to my husband who has let me off on a few messy house days this month.  Thank you for letting me spend an entire month calming my heart and reflecting upon the good times, bad times, and the little life that is still so loved.

#WhatHealsYou

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4 years later…

Today is one of those days where I want to share and yet don’t exactly know what to share.  A part of me is excited to remember the blessings Clara’s birth brought, the fun times we shared.  The other part of me is sad because of the future we didn’t get to share.  A part of me is sad that my 7yr old says his life will never be the same without his sister.  Yet another part is sad because of things we continue to struggle with today.

4 years ago today we were anticipating Clara’s birth.  We had no idea our “snails and puppy dog tails” home would be filled with “sugar and spice”.  My husband was writing in her baby book about the presidential inauguration that happened the day before.  She was going to be part of a something big 🙂  Today we watch as that same president is sworn into office again but this time without her.   She was also the light in the middle of sadness from my brother’s death.  Born just 21 days after he took his life, I was sad that it would be a long time before she would meet him…or so I thought.  She brought a twinkle of happiness to the sadness that had filled my family.  We had no idea Clara would be 1 of the 80 babies that don’t make it to their 1st birthday every year in South Dakota and yet I am thankful we didn’t know.

I often struggle with the whirlwind of things that happened after her birth and some that continue today.

Today I can’t help but wonder how life would be different if Clara were still here.  Would Lincoln and Preston be here, would my marriage still be intact, would I have met some of the wonderful ladies I have met along the way, would I have learned to speak up, what would it be like to have a little girl running around??  I don’t know.  Today is one of those special days where I can dream about her and what things would be like.  Today I can be sad and happy and very few will judge me for it.  I won’t have a preschooler next year  but I do have a memory full of happy times I did get to share with her.  Those happy times make today a day I can get through.

Wishing a Happy 4th birthday in Heaven this week to Clara, Eli, and Bria.

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