Tag Archives: Mothers Milk Bank

#CaptureYourGrief – Day #26

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Gratitude

#CaptureYourGriefDay26

Gratitude is more than being being thankful for the people who have helped me along the way. It is also about being thankful for the situations and small things that have been found in the storm clouds.  The most helpful thing for me during my times of suffering has been finding something good in the day, focusing on that, and being thankful for it.

After we lost Clara those good things were small.  A hug, not throwing up, kind words were things I started with.  They redirected my attention when by body reminded me that it was time to feed the baby that was no longer in my arms.  It was through finding things to be thankful for that I found a way to be thankful for those “feed your baby” reminders.  It gave me an opportunity to share Clara’s milk with others babies who were in need. We sent 356 oz of her milk to the Rocky Mountain Mother’s Milk bank in Denver.  (When Lincoln’s allergies were diagnosed I experienced a similar circumstance and we knew right away we would donate.  With him we drove 2,222oz to the University of Iowa Mother’s Milk Bank.)  There was great comfort and thankfulness found in helping others instead of dumping it all down the drain.

When I went back to work finding things to be thankful for became extremely important.  People made off-the-cuff remarks or condolences that weren’t exactly comforting.  I needed something, other than these, to hold.  Each night I would sit down and find my good things to set my heart on.  I tried to focus on how thankful I was that each person thought enough to stop by and remember Clara and less on their comments.   It was through this process that I was able to let a lot of things roll off my shoulders.

This kind of being “thankful for” is one I offer to many along the loss journey.  For those who dedicate time each day for their heart, there is comfort.  It won’t fix everything but it will help set your heart on a path to let go of the bad and cling to the good.

My husband and I have turned this concept into a bedtime routine for our children too.  Each evening we sit and pray thanks for the things we are “thankful for”.  Sometimes the kids are thankful for things, other nights it is deeper.  It depends on their age and the type of day they’ve had.

We have learned a lot about our kids through the prayer time.  We see what makes them happy or sad.  We hear their pain when they ask if they can pray for someone else.  The best thing is they go to bed and wake happier.  We get to see little pieces of their big hearts.

My experience with setting my heart on the good has helped me in other situations in my life as well.  As we deal with Lincoln’s health, it helps to focus on the good things.  When we heard the news that Lincoln wasn’t ever going to be able to use the bathroom like a normal boy, it was devastating.  When we started doing clean intermittent catheterizations life was in turmoil.  By the end of the first week, we noticed a huge change in our little boy.  He was calmer and better behaved.  For the first time in his life his bladder was empty after he relieving himself.  It was in that good that we found comfort in the sadness. He was actually happier!  That is what we chose to focus on.

Today I don’t need to set aside as much time for this but I still use it to help me through so many situations of life.  I am grateful for the changes and comfort my family has gotten by actively being “thankful for” things in our lives.  Sometimes our gratitude is small, sometimes big.  Either way filling your heart with good things leaves little room for the bad to get in there and fester.

“Fill your heart with what’s important…
and be done with all the rest.”
Unknown

#WhatHealsYou

 

 

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CarlyMarie Project 2013 – Day #21

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Honor

Mother’s Milk Bank:

When Clara left us I was still pumping and freezing milk for her.  We had begun adding formula to her diet but still wanted to give breast milk too.  When our arms were left empty my body was left hurting.  Every 3 hours my body reminded me that I should have a baby to feed.  Through the funeral planning, visitation, funeral, and the next few weeks I was constantly reminded.  I pumped and cried.  It felt like such a waste.   Any mom can tell you how difficult it is to throw breast milk away.

I stumbled upon a site about breast milk banking and realized this was what I needed to do.  I called the Sioux Falls, SD Hospitals and spoke to their NICU staff.  I found no place in SD to donate to but Denver, CO had a location.  I made the call that not only left me in tears but also the lady on the other end.  She was amazing and did everything she could to make sure Clara and my milk was able to make it to Denver.  She said that every year they have about 5 mother’s who donate in memory of their child.  They have a care package they send to these wonderful, caring women who in their time of loss think of how they can save others.  Our milk would be used for very premature babies who still can’t tolerate formula.  Breast milk is so gentle on their bodies and helps decrease their risk of things like intestinal infections or surgery complications.

Our small donation of 350 ounces made between 150-200 bottles available to these precious little lives.

Below is a chart of current donation locations.  In 2010 I donated again to Coralville IA (Iowa City).  That is the current location that Eastern South Dakota NICU’s receive their donated milk from.  I encourage mom’s to check it out.

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Lach’s Legacy:

Each year we give to Lach’s Legacy in Clara’s memory.  Our wish is that the care package that meant so much to us, is there for others.  We also appreciate the “Run for Their Lives!” 5K each year and want to continue to help make it successful.

CJ Foundation for SIDS:

We also give in memory here as well.  Some day hopefully we can detect those babies at high risk for SIDS and it can only happen with research. CJ Foundation for SIDS also is a key educator for care givers and parents on SIDS risk reduction as well as a place to seek help for creating home town awareness.

Peer Contact:

Connecting with others helps keep Clara’s memory alive.  I know that I can listen to others talk about their babies and know that they will not judge me for talking about mine.  Speaking her name isn’t weird or awkward because they too want to talk about their baby.  It is a bond that will last a lifetime.

Carly Marie Project:

Last but not least I do this project in memory of Clara.  I find it to create awareness to infant loss as well as help those who have never experienced the loss of a child help someone around them.  This project touches so many lives.  Not just mine or my friends, but all those who take the chance to read it.  I find that for 31 days I can freely talk about Clara, my feelings, my projects, my heart without feeling like a burden.  For 31 days I can share my faith without having to look for a “perfect opportunity”.  For 31 days grieving the loss of a child isn’t hidden or shameful.  For 31 days you get to see what it is like for a parent to lose a child and what they deal with 365 days a year.

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