Tag Archives: Lach’s Legacy

#CaptureYourGrief – Day #30



Reflection is difficult.  This project takes time each day that I am used to sharing in other ways.  It takes more time because I need to calm the life, mind, and heart to really get to the bottom of each topic.  It isn’t an easy task.  Really it is a commitment to calming the waters every single day and seeing what is really there.

This year as I look back at the month, I can tell where I was able to reflect well.  I see my heart.  There were other days when I just couldn’t/wouldn’t go more in depth.  As much as I want to share everything, there are some things in that reflection that could cause pain or hurt to others.  Those are the pieces missing from my reflection, my movements in the water.

I thought this image was fitting for today.  Taken while on date night with my husband, it is a picture of the new theater being built on the University of Iowa campus.  It is clear that the moving water doesn’t allow for a detailed reflection.  We simply get the big or brightest pieces.

I think that are times in our lives when we focus can only see those big or bright parts.  Here is the thing, if those pieces are good memories, we feel good but we might miss out on growth. On the other hand, if those spots are bad, we focus on the wrong things and we miss out on healing.  What if you could take the time to see the whole picture.  That is what the #CaptureYourGrief project does for me.

As this month of blogging comes to an end I am thankful for the topic of reflection.  That is truly what this month is about.  Reflecting on the life we held, the love we still have, and the grief through it.  Thank you to everyone who has followed the journey this year.  Thank you to Bri for posting every day to Lach’s Legacy’s Facebook page.  Thank you to my husband who has let me off on a few messy house days this month.  Thank you for letting me spend an entire month calming my heart and reflecting upon the good times, bad times, and the little life that is still so loved.



The CarlyMarie Project – Day 8


When Clara passed and as I work with families, I realize there aren’t a lot of resources out there that really understand the sudden loss of a baby.  I found groups for miscarriage and a couple of groups for parents that have lost much older children.  I found that neither of those groups were as helpful for me as they were for others.

Day 20 Charity or Organization

Thank goodness Brianne sent us a care package from Lach’s Legacy!!  Her gift and then the “1st Annual Run for Their Lives!”,  held just 2 weeks after Clara’s passing, were what I needed to know I wasn’t alone in this.  I ran with a man who had lost his nephew several years ago.  He listened to my story while he encouraged me to keep running and finish.  Although I don’t know his name, when I feel overwhelmed I think of our conversation and how many times he encouraged me.  It brings a smile to my heart to know that a stranger took the time to help.

Run for Their Lives!

I am so thankful that Brianne continues to hold the “Run for Their Lives!” each year.  Her dedication to the event is amazing.  It is at the run that we get our family picture every year. We look forward to it!  Even though we are a ways from home, we will be back every June for as long as she keeps it going.  Thank you Bri for your love and support!!


There is another resource and community that I have found very helpful is the group of ladies who support each other online.  This amazing group isn’t really a group but is a great web of support when you need it.  Thank you to Tanya and Sara, the 2 very best ladies who chat anytime, anywhere, and help in so many ways!!!  Others who have touched my life include Lisa, Dana, Melinda, Michele, Melissa, Kari, Carrie, Kristi, Pat, Jeanie, and all those not mentioned that have shared their journey of losing a precious child.  



CarlyMarie Project 2013 – Day #21


Mother’s Milk Bank:

When Clara left us I was still pumping and freezing milk for her.  We had begun adding formula to her diet but still wanted to give breast milk too.  When our arms were left empty my body was left hurting.  Every 3 hours my body reminded me that I should have a baby to feed.  Through the funeral planning, visitation, funeral, and the next few weeks I was constantly reminded.  I pumped and cried.  It felt like such a waste.   Any mom can tell you how difficult it is to throw breast milk away.

I stumbled upon a site about breast milk banking and realized this was what I needed to do.  I called the Sioux Falls, SD Hospitals and spoke to their NICU staff.  I found no place in SD to donate to but Denver, CO had a location.  I made the call that not only left me in tears but also the lady on the other end.  She was amazing and did everything she could to make sure Clara and my milk was able to make it to Denver.  She said that every year they have about 5 mother’s who donate in memory of their child.  They have a care package they send to these wonderful, caring women who in their time of loss think of how they can save others.  Our milk would be used for very premature babies who still can’t tolerate formula.  Breast milk is so gentle on their bodies and helps decrease their risk of things like intestinal infections or surgery complications.

Our small donation of 350 ounces made between 150-200 bottles available to these precious little lives.

Below is a chart of current donation locations.  In 2010 I donated again to Coralville IA (Iowa City).  That is the current location that Eastern South Dakota NICU’s receive their donated milk from.  I encourage mom’s to check it out.


Lach’s Legacy:

Each year we give to Lach’s Legacy in Clara’s memory.  Our wish is that the care package that meant so much to us, is there for others.  We also appreciate the “Run for Their Lives!” 5K each year and want to continue to help make it successful.

CJ Foundation for SIDS:

We also give in memory here as well.  Some day hopefully we can detect those babies at high risk for SIDS and it can only happen with research. CJ Foundation for SIDS also is a key educator for care givers and parents on SIDS risk reduction as well as a place to seek help for creating home town awareness.

Peer Contact:

Connecting with others helps keep Clara’s memory alive.  I know that I can listen to others talk about their babies and know that they will not judge me for talking about mine.  Speaking her name isn’t weird or awkward because they too want to talk about their baby.  It is a bond that will last a lifetime.

Carly Marie Project:

Last but not least I do this project in memory of Clara.  I find it to create awareness to infant loss as well as help those who have never experienced the loss of a child help someone around them.  This project touches so many lives.  Not just mine or my friends, but all those who take the chance to read it.  I find that for 31 days I can freely talk about Clara, my feelings, my projects, my heart without feeling like a burden.  For 31 days I can share my faith without having to look for a “perfect opportunity”.  For 31 days grieving the loss of a child isn’t hidden or shameful.  For 31 days you get to see what it is like for a parent to lose a child and what they deal with 365 days a year.