I have to admit I love Big Hero 6.  I skipped out on it when it was in theaters because I didn’t think my 18m old would sit through it.  Then we were supposed to see it at family movie night at church and we totally forgot about it.  Actually I am glad I got to see it the first time at home.

Whoever wrote Big Hero 6 really took time to understand loss!  I cried at quite a few spots in the movie and actually felt angry at a few spots too.  It just touched my heart in a way I didn’t expect.

Funerals…

Obviously the funeral got me.  It always does, no matter the movie, tv show, commercial.  It is just a hard thing to watch, even when it is fake.  As a parent who has lost a child it is hard but to watch Hiro stare at Tadashi’s empty bed hurts.  It reminds me of how my kids felt after the loss of their sister.  It reminds me of their questions on if we had to take down Clara’s room and if another baby would stay in there.

“Tadashi was in good health and with healthy habits could have lived a long life.”

I think the hardest part is when Baymax shows up later in the movie and asks about Tadashi.  He says, “But Tadashi was in good health and with healthy habits could have lived a long life.” SIDS is just that, a healthy child goes down for a nap and doesn’t wake up.  Clara should have lived a long life but instead she is in Heaven.  It is hard to hear Hiro talk to Baymax about this.  I think back to talking to the boys about Clara’s death and also to all those others who have asked about her loss.  Sometimes life isn’t what we expect though.  Clara’s life was too short for me but just perfect for God.  I am okay with that.

“Tadashi is here!”

Skip forward a bit and Hiro is having troubles and he hears Baymax say, “Tadashi is here.” Hiro makes a comment along the lines of no he’s not.  Then out of the blue Baymax shows a bunch of lost movies of Tadashi.  I cried because I remember finding some movies on our backup site and on our camera that I didn’t know existed.  They are such a lovely but heartbreaking surprise.  It is so cool to hear the voice of your little one you hold no more.  Every time I see those movies I cry just as Hiro did.

It also reminds me of when I finally asked for the images from the funeral and burial of Clara.  To see those images again was harder than I expected.  I didn’t realize how much of the burial I didn’t remember.

“I will always be with you.”

Then when Baymax is left in the portal and he says, “I will always be with you.”  I think I about lost it.  I mean it takes me back to the closing of Clara’s casket and moving away from her grave. You have to give up something that means so much to you.  You know you will never see them on earth again.

Actually it makes me think of how much stuff we kept of Clara’s too.  I had a tough time getting rid of so many things and yet eventually you have to give away baby stuff.  Hiro is left with just Baymax’s glove after the problems in the portal.  I know I can only keep a few treasured items.    Today we have just a few items from Clara.  Every time I let go of items that were Clara’s I always hear “I will always be with you.” It brings me to tears just writing about it today.

“Baymax”

Okay… so I know that Clara will never come back.  My Baymax is her memory.  Things like her rose bushes blooming or her beautiful tree blooming each year or our family picture of the SIDS Run, those are my Baymax.  Each year they return just as Baymax “returns” to Hiro.  To me those times create memories that include Clara.

No they aren’t the same as creating memories with your child but that is the option God has given me and I will love them!  I chose to love them and to enjoy them.  Hiro found Tadashi’s chip that was used to create Baymax but Hiro still had to create Baymax again.  I find it to be the same with Clara things.  God has given me opportunities, I just have to choose to make them good memories.

So to sum it up, Big Hero 6 is my new favorite movie.  Actually it is a family favorite!  Even my 11 and 10 year olds were open about how they “get a lump in their throat” every time they watch it.  They said it has been healing to watch because they too have felt the same as Hiro.

Thank you to the writers… They got it right. They touched hearts. They touch lives. Loss is real, thanks for showing that 🙂