Day #4: Belonging
I have never been good at maintaining close friendships. I have almost always been transient and fluid, belonging to a wide variety of groups. I have carried that into adulthood. I find that I belong to a group for a while and then another comes along. We all grow differently and I feel like that change is necessary to my own growth. The one thing I have learned through my grief is that I connect with anyone who recognizes that my grief journey is not a problem that needs to be solved.
All too often people share words of comfort that veer toward solving the heartache rather than comforting the griever. It is like someone is trying to solve the problem by placing the puzzle piece in sideways. Usually, they give up, put the piece back down, and move on.
Sometimes people don’t like the puzzle you have become. They tend to walk away without a word. It’s not because they are mean or don’t care, but because they don’t know what to do.
Once-in-a-while you meet someone who not only places the piece down incorrectly, they jam it in and attempt to hammer in just so they can solve the problem their way. For me, this group of people was often those closest to my heart. They also were the most upset/hurt when I shared how their problem solving was hurting me.
The people I try to surround myself with are those who care. They stop and listen and learn what is I need rather than telling me what is needed. I appreciate when people recognize that while my puzzle is almost complete, it will never be 100%. They don’t search me for that last piece nor try to craft a replacement one. They acknowledge that Clara took a single piece with her. They can stand back and appreciate the rest of the puzzle without thinking it is worthless.
I am forever grateful for my ever-changing tribe. They are always the most amazing, caring, loving people. Whether they are still with me today or have moved on, their lives touched mine at a time when I needed it most. For that I must say, thank you!