What Heals You
So I must give credit for the basis of this quote to Walter White. While I loved his quote, it’s language maybe wasn’t quite #CaptureYourGrief-esq. I changed it a bit to fit me and the topic today.
Letting go of fear has been helpful in my healing. After we lost Clara we spent a lot of time scared. Each activity, pregnancy, birth, day brought out some of the worst fears. I remember the first time Damon and Mason rode with someone else. I wondered what I would do if they died too. I just wanted to control every situation.
It didn’t take long to realize that wasn’t possible. I couldn’t let those fears rule my life. If I did I would rob my boys of the life experiences they deserved. We were missing out on activities and memories that could be made because we didn’t want to risk anything. Some “risks” are worth taking!
In the image I captured this summer, I saw my hesitant daughter fall. Did she get cry? A little. Did she get back up? Yes! She tried and tried until her fear was small enough that her confidence returned. I chose not to step in and stop her from falling. Instead we encouraged her to keep trying and to not be scared. Eventually she did get it and she had so much fun. If she had given into that fear she would have missed out on an afternoon or memories!!
Grief is much the same way. We fear how birthdays and holidays will be. If you ask most parents the anticipation is far worse than the actual day. Grief is never easy. We struggle to hold on yet we struggle to let go.
We fear the passing of current or future children. What if they make a bad choice that hurts them? We worry about everything. The thing is we can’t do that all the time. Yes, it is natural to worry a bit but not about EVERYTHING. It will consume you! It robs you of making memories or allowing them to make their childhood memories.
Throughout my journey I am constantly working on releasing fear. There are days when I fall and have to get up, brush off, and start again. The best days are the ones where I leave worry and fear in the shower drain and let the memories be made.