Day #3: Meaningful Mantra
Mantras change just as our grief changes. I started with “She knew she could, so she did.”. Then I moved to “share the comfort you have been given.”. Today “I am enough” fits the year.
Strangers, friends, and even loved ones will say things about your loss that will make you question yourself. I doubted so much about myself and my loss for so long. Could I have done this differently or that differently? Could I have handled this situation better? Could I have started an organization or done more to promote SIDS awareness? Who knows.
Maybe I should have saved more things of Clara’s. Maybe I should have given more away. Maybe we should have waited to have another child. Maybe we should have moved out of our home. Maybe we should have stayed longer. Maybe I should have told people their words were hurtful. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I didn’t cry enough. Maybe I cried too much. The list goes on and on.
I have hit the point in my life and grief journey where I feel the understanding the I am enough. Who I am as a mother and a bereaved mother is enough. What I do to honor Clara is enough. The remaining items I have of Clara’s is enough.
I know there may be a day when I lose everything we have left of Clara’s belongings. While I know that will be a sad day for me, I also know that my heart will continue to share her life with others. I know that she may not live on after I am gone. I know that thinking that is okay.
I know that the cakes I create are enough to share my baby girl. I know that I would be overwhelmed with a non-profit organization in her honor. I know that cakes are the perfect remembrance and enough.
Lastly, I am enough. I don’t need answers to all those questions on if I am good enough or did the right things. I know it was enough for me. I don’t need to be compared to anyone else. You see, much like these traffic cones, we all have bumps, bruises, and scars yet we all get back up and do the job we were intended to do. We stand together. We are not the same. Our scars are not the same. We continue to love our kids, love ourselves, and hold on to hope that the scars won’t wear us down nor hold us back.
Move over guilt and grief…I am enough.