Clara passed away due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. SIDS knows no boundaries. It affects all socioeconomic groups. It affects all ethnicities and religions. It is unknown what causes it. Clara had some risk factors including blankets in her sleep area and on her tummy. If it hadn’t happened May 12th, 2009, it could have happened another day. It could have happened in our care. Clara was super sleepy that morning. She slept until just before I went to work at 10am. Had it been my day off I would have found her.
Dear World – It wasn’t my daycare’s fault.
I do not place fault on my daycare. This is probably one of the hardest things for other’s to understand. I have heard so many say, “I would have sued.”, “I would never go back.”, “Do you ever wonder…”. To which I reply … SIDS knows no bounds. In my mind the answer was and still is to find the remedy rather than place blame. My inner peace comes from offering compassion instead of blame.
Our daycare lady was like another grandma to our children. Clara’s death affected her too. She needed compassion and love. She needed to know that this wasn’t her fault. She changed the way future babies slept to help reduce their risk. She told new parents about Clara’s passing. She cried when we asked if we could continued to take our children to her. She even got to hold two more of our babies before I had to start staying home. We worked on a remedy that would bring our families closer together. I am thankful for that because it meant I could ask her questions about that fateful day and she was open and honest in answering them.
Today I had a different idea and had planned to blog about getting stuck in the darkness. As I tried to capture the tunnel I found an ugly (but necessary) emergency call poll in they way. Instead of complaining I took a few steps back and worked out a remedy. It made for an amazing picture and inspired a different subject to write about. It is a great reminder that in grief and in every day life, we need to remember that things turn out best for people who make the best our the way things turn out. We can’t control life but we can control the way we handle it.