The Unspoken

After the loss of a child our pain morphs from one of shock of what happened to the ache for what never will.  One thing that often still feels taboo is the longing to connect with other kids that would be Clara’s age.

When we first lost Clara the thought of holding another persons baby was the worst thing in the world.  I struggled when my nephew was born just 6 weeks after we lost Clara.  It was extremely difficult to hold him and to be happy for my sister.  I was angry.  But as the years have passed I have grown to love that little boy’s company.  After all, he is only 6 months younger than Clara would be.

I know that I have caused parents to be uncomfortable when I have watched their seven year olds on the playground.  I have been told it is unhealthy or weird to ask about them. Informally saying somehow I should not wonder.  Here is the thing… I don’t watch to be a creep or to fantasize about taking that child home with me.  I watch because I am curious as to what 7 year olds do with their free time.  I chat because I am curious about know what little girls talk about.  It helps me to form an idea of what Clara would be like today.  It comforts me.

Please don’t feel weird around me.  Please don’t feel pity for me.  Please smile and know that I mean no harm to your little one.  I won’t mention my loss to them and certainly won’t steal them.  I just wonder who my little man’s buddy would be like.  You see, we watch him as he waits for the day when he gets to meet her, play with her, and hug her.

#CaptureYourGrief
#WhatHealsYou
#BuddyBench