Empathy
One thing I have learned along the way is that acknowledging bereaved parents feelings is so much better than saying “you will be okay” or “It will get better”. As bystanders we often want to do anything in our power to make someone feel better. It is a challenge to say that a child dying isn’t okay without insisting that it will get better.
I have heard the cries of a mother holding her child and screaming.
“This it isn’t fair.”
“God why my child?”
“Why this way?”
“God Why?”
It reminds me of the numerous times I have read the words
“My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me.”
There are several times in the bible where these words are written. Even Jesus spoke those words as he suffered at the cross. In his pain he questioned why. Did Jesus too feel forsaken at a time when he needed God most?
We know that when Jesus cried out, “Why have you forsaken me?” it was because He was experiencing a brokenness in His relationship with God the Father that they had never before experienced. He knew that God had not finally and ultimately forsaken Him, and He knew that He would be raised again in three days, but the cry of Jesus from the cross is not about those things, but about the separation from God He experienced for the very time in all eternity.
When we cry out in our loss we too are feeling a brokenness in our relationship with God. Loss, especially the loss of a child, is a time in life where so many question God’s love. We feel deserted by God, isolated from others, desolate in our hearts. We often just need someone to recognize that we feel broken. We need that reminder that even Jesus asked why. We need to have time to feel angry, sad, and to question.
Just as Jesus wasn’t forsaken, neither are we. However we need to be allowed to feel what we feel. Deep down we already know that someday our hearts will hurt a little less. Eventually we might even need that reminder that God has never left us. Somedays though, we just need to have someone stand beside us and acknowledge that today things aren’t okay.
