You Now

I am far from the amount of pain I experienced 4 years ago and yet sometimes it is just a memory, song, or word away.  A friend once posted that grief is like an ocean.  You are in deep waters in the beginning and slowly get to shore.  Once on shore you are always in view of the ocean and once in a while your toes might get wet.  I believe this to be very much how my grief is.

While I am sad that we lost Clara, I am thankful for Lincoln, Preston, and Haleigh.  Without Clara’s passing we might not have known the amount of love we could have shared with more children.  It is Clara’s passing that also made my husband and I re-evaluate our priorities to focus more on our family and subsequently me becoming a stay at home mom.  It is great to be able to share time with Damon and Mason too.  Their stories of Clara help me too.

I am no longer the shy girl I once was.  Throughout my journey I have been given the opportunity to share support with other families who have lost children.  I don’t seek them out, God brings them to me.  Being able to speak to those I don’t know or even a large group of people is something I never thought I could do and yet something I do often.  Creating awareness has become important to me as well as helping others.

I found this picture last night as I was searching for am image to use today.  Although it is not my family it is perfect.  I love the boys are wearing pink which is a reminder of Clara.  I think it is the best representation of where my grief and my families grief is right now.  We are no longer in the ocean but we always see it in the distance.   Just as the ocean is view is beautiful so are the memories we have of Clara.  We are happy and yet miss our daughter and sister and think of her often.