Ritual

“Every day may not be good… but there’s something good in every day.”

You don’t need to lose a child to know the daily struggles humans have with focusing our talk and lives on all the negative things that happen every day.  I found that to be even more true after Clara passed.  I got into a slump and for a while could only see the negative in each day.  I quickly realized that for the sake of my husband and children I needed to find a way to turn things around.  I stumbled upon a quote online and it became my mantra.  I posted it at work, on the mirror in my bathroom, in my kitchen, pretty much everywhere.  I started keeping a journal of the one or more good things that happened each day.  It could be a smile from a stranger, a hug, a great conversation, a hug from my family, really nothing was too small.  It really changed my outlook on Clara’s passing.  It became less of a punishment and more about celebrating her and her time with us.  I found the days to pass more quickly again and my pain to be less.  Today I still remind myself of this quote because there are days that I am overworked and stressed and seem to lose focus on the good things.  I don’t want to miss out on those good things because of a bad day.

When it comes to special days we also have some yearly things we do.  Since Clara’s birthday is in January and her grave is quite the undertaking to get to so we release balloons from our home.  We all write messages to Clara and release them to Heaven.  Once in a while they get caught in the neighborhood trees and when they do we explain to the boys that Clara can’t read all the balloons right away and that God is just keeping them in the trees so she doesn’t lose them.  The next day the balloons are gone and the boys are thrilled.

In May we visit her grave and bring her a new solar light and flower.  The boys will sometimes want to send off a balloon or two.  This year her passing day was Mother’s Day so we brought a few extra flowers and spent a little more time.  We also try to visit our daycare and remind her that we are thankful for her and her love for our kids.

June is probably our favorite special day.  We get to walk in memory of Clara and other babies lost too soon to SIDS in the annual “Run for Their Lives!” 5k run/walk.  We always get our picture taken by her memory sign.  It is the one time each year that we get a true family picture.  We look forward to it each year.