Has anyone heard of the Ring Theory? It is a great tool to help you know what to say/not say a tough situation. Follow this link to read more about the Ring Theory: http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407,0,2074046.story
Using that article, let’s use Clara’s death as an example:
The center was obviously Clara, the the next most affected were my husband and myself, then our children and daycare provider, then our parents and siblings, then our friends, then coworkers, ect. When the dumping went inward instead of outward was when I felt the most anger and frustration. I could never explain very well the reason why it was so hurtful other than by saying it didn’t allow me to grieve or just that the phrase was offensive. The Ring Theory explains exactly why I felt angry. Outer rings were dumping inward rather than outward. Same goes for being able to relay that things were hurtful…When I said something was hurtful to the outer rings there was no comfort, instead the outer rings dumped inward causing even more problems and hurt feelings.
It is interesting to go through the list from Day 6 of the Carly Marie Project – What Not to Say. I can look at these and say…Yes, you can feel this way but don’t say them to me. Like I thanked God it wasn’t my child. Thanks but I don’t honestly want to hear that. Say that to your friend not me 🙂
“Ring Theory merely expands that intuition and makes it more concrete: Don’t just avoid dumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own. Remember, you can say whatever you want if you just wait until you’re talking to someone in a larger ring than yours. And don’t worry. You’ll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.”
