Day #20: Charity/Organization

Lach’s Legacy –  www.lachslegacy.org

Our favorite organization has been Lach’s Legacy.  We saw Lach’s story on the news days after Clara’s death. During the newscast I realized that he and Clara both passed on the same date just a year apart and both within a day or two of Mother’s Day.  It was sad to know another mother felt the same way I did.  A couple of days later we got a package in the mail from Brianne and Lach’s Legacy.  We can’t thank her enough for that care package and the invite to the SIDS walk she held that same year.  The “Run for Their Lives” Run/Walk has been a touching event where we have been able to meet other families,  get our yearly family picture, and have friends and family can come out and support us each year.  We are so blessed to know a such a wonderful, giving family and organization.

CJ SIDS Foundation – www.cjsids.org

Our other favorite resource has been CJ SIDS Foundation.  They are active on Facebook and have such great info on safe sleep and SIDS risk reduction as well as posting info about product recommendations and recalls.  Linda has also been great at answering questions and helping me with putting together the packets for the city.  She has been such a  great resource and I am lucky to have someone like her to bounce questions off of.  Some day Chris and I will have to try the “Strike Out SIDS” event or their new “Pin-Ups!” campaign.

Day #19: Projects

It has taken me a while to decide on what projects to do…

When we lost Clara it was just too hard to get up and speak to others or to do projects.  To be honest, I didn’t really know where to begin with projects.  I also was working full time and raising an ever growing family.  This year we decided it just made more sense for me to stay home.  This has really opened up many doors and time for projects.

2010 Projects…

In 2010, I was connected by friends to a couple of wonderful ladies who had just begun to walk through losing their boys.  I found it helpful in my own grief to help others.  From then on I knew that this is something I want to keep doing.  I found as time went on it was easier for me to talk about my own loss and I think I became a better listener to their stories as well.  It has made me very interested in doing projects in the field of public speaking.

2011 Projects…

Public speaking had a trial run with the Mitchell Optimist Club.  The group gave me the opportunity to speak to them about safe sleep and losing a child.  I was nervous, but I was thrilled to be able to speak about Clara, my own experiences, and how others could reduce their risks.  I hope to be able to speak with soon-to-be parents at our local parenting classes in Mitchell.  I hope to share the knowledge about safe sleep practices not for them but also for them to relay to caregivers (like gma and gpa), daycares, and babysitters.

This year, after the passing of another baby in daycare, I began working with the City of Mitchell to create packets to hand out to all daycares that are registering with the city.  After talking with them, I found that daycares that are registered with the city and NOT the state have no requirements on safe sleep classes as they would if they were registered through the State of South Dakota.  Their registration with the city is merely a zoning change to the residence, a fire inspection, and cpr class.  After those items are complete the city does not periodically check on the daycare.  The city has thought about changing this in the past but has decided not to.  My continued project is to keep these packets available to the City as well as try to get some oversight into ALL city registered daycares.

Lach’s Legacy Project…

Clara’s Classroom.  Chris and I have been working on the Lach’s Legacy website to add a page of safe sleep education.  We have been slow at completing this because his project schedule has been pretty busy.  We hope to have this up soon!  (lachslegacy.org)

Day #14: Community

I really struggled to find a picture for today. I finally decided on sharing 2 pictures that are special to me.

One from the Lach’s Legacy website. This was our first opportunity to meet other families that had lost a baby to SIDS. The event took place less than a month after Clara passed away. Even through the cold, rainy weather friends and family came to support us. I met a wonderful gentleman that ran part of the way with me and shared about his nephew he was running for. He took the time to ask about Clara and was a great inspiration to me. Thanks Bri for inviting us! It was helpful to know we were not alone in our loss.

The second picture is of Tanya and I at her son Paxton’s memory golf tournament this year. I met some wonderful ladies who had experienced a whole lot of different losses from miscarriage to still born to SIDS. I got to hear what they are doing for other parents who are going through what we have. They are an amazing group of women and I can’t wait to go back next year and support them!

Day #13: Signs from Heaven

A few other things came to mind today as signs from Heaven.

I often feel like Clara’s tree blooming around the time of her passing…

…is a reminder that although her time was short with us, she is reminding us of her blooming in Heaven.  It is her reminder that she is beautiful as a flower.  I look forward to seeing these blossoms each year.

One of the babies first few words…

…have been Clara.  Both boys have said Clara in their first 10 words they have learned by 1 year old.  It is always the first sibling name they speak.  The love looking at her picture and asking “who that”.  I love it.  Damon and Mason will often share stories with the babies about sister.  One thing that will always stick in my heart is when Damon told Lincoln (then  almost a year old) that someday he will meet his big sister Clara, but not until he is WAY older.  A year later Mason told that story to his little brother Preston (almost 1 year old) while they looked at the family picture book together.

The rose bush that didn’t bloom…

…Clara’s rose bush seemed like it was never going to bloom this year.  I was disappointed not only that it wasn’t blooming but that I was watching friends of mine lose their baby girl.  The day their baby girl suffered a stroke, Clara’s rose bush went bloom crazy with over a dozen roses.  It was almost as if to say Abby made it safely to Heaven and she is beautiful.  That rose bush contained a dozen or more flowers all summer, even through our drought.  The last flower bloomed the day of DJ’s passing.  It was so perfectly timed.

Day #12:  Scents

I can still remember the smell Clara carried with her everyday….Baby Magic mixed with a little Desitin.  The thing is, no 2 of my babies smell the same wearing it.  I remember bringing her clothes home from the ER and her car seat from daycare knowing it was the last time I would smell her in our car.  Neither of us wanted to lose that smell but we knew we couldn’t leave her last load of laundry undone forever.  We washed her clothes but left her bed and sheets for a few months.  Being able to walk into her room and be reminded of her was comforting.  We finally washed the last of her things about 4 months after her passing when I finally had enough of family members shutting her door and telling us we were “dragging on everyone’s grief” by leaving her bedroom together.

Today I still miss her scent and wish I had just one item of hers that hadn’t been washed.

TIP:

If you are trying to help out a family who has just lost a child, be sure to check with the family BEFORE you wash all the child’s belongings.  You never know what you will wash away.  It is something that can’t ever be replaced.

Day #11:  Supportive Friends and Family

My God..

He is always there for me no matter what.  I can tell Him anything without fear or anxiety, He listens.

My Husband…

Chris has been an amazing support person throughout the past 3.5 years.  Our lives were forever changed by Clara and our marriage strengthened because of her.  The image I chose today is not that of my husbands face but that of his heart and how truly supportive he is.  If you read the words behind the angel you can see his reminder of his love and how he wishes he could put them into a single bouquet….and then he does with the angel “Surrounded by Love”.  Can’t say much more than he is an amazing man, wonderful father, and my biggest support!

My Friends, Family, and Community…

We have been so blessed to have so much support within out friends, family, and community.  Thank you just isn’t enough for the awesome support many of you have shown.  Even today as I do this project and get email, messages, and comments of support, I feel loved and supported.  I would also like to say that the women I have met through Facebook, who have opened their hearts and shared about their babies who are sitting together around Jesus, you ladies have helped me through so much too even though many of us have never met.