Day #24: Siblings

Siblings are affected in ways we sometimes don’t recognize.

Damon and Mason were just 4 and 5 when Clara left us.  Both loved her very much and were confused when we brought them home without Clara that May day.  They thought there was a fire and that was why there was a firetruck and ambulance that came to Elaine’s.   After careful consideration by Chris and I and talking with our funeral home we decided that it was best for the boys to see Clara, touch Clara, and allow them to ask questions.  Bittner Funeral Chapel was amazing at answering so many of the boys questions and helping Chris and I be comfortable with our choice to allow the boys the more hands on approach.  It was extremely difficult for us because we were getting so much negative feedback from family on what “should and shouldn’t” be allowed for the boys to participate in.  As a couple we decided that they are grieving too and it was important for them to say goodbye too.  I will never forget the image of the boys touching and walking with the casket as they laid her at the cemetery.

That said these two boys have such an understanding of life and death.  They are the first to tell you that Christmas and Easter are worth far more than presents, it is because of these holidays they will see their sister again someday but not until after Mom and Dad die first.  We love them with all our heart!

Today’s picture is of a drawing Damon made just weeks after Clara passed.

Damon has Clara on his shoulders do he can play with her and protect her.  He said Mason is holding Mom’s hand because he is sad and Chris is waiting to hold Clara.  Today they have 2 more brothers.  Lincoln is 2.5y and Preston 1y and Damon and Mason run them around on their shoulders every chance they get.  It is their favorite thing to do.  Mason once told me that they want to do play with the babies as much as they can since they didn’t get to do that with Clara.

I am a big brother!

When the boys announced they were big brothers they wanted to make sure Clara was included on the shirt.  They said we are already big brothers.  We decided to add Clara as an angel watching over our family.

I am Thankful For…

Parents aren’t the only ones who deal with the hard question of how many kids do you have.  Surviving and future siblings also endure how many brothers and sisters do you have.  Both boys have asked many questions about how to answer it.  “Is is lying to say I have brothers only?”  “What if they ask about how many are living at home right now?”  “What if they ask why my sister isn’t in my pictures I bring to school?”  Both boys are proud to have a sister and both usually include her in any “family” artwork or “about me” papers.  Last year at thanksgiving Damon brought home his “I am Thankful For” placemat.  I LOVE IT!

Future Siblings…

We can’t forget future siblings in the mix of losing a child.  Lincoln and Preston both love looking at pictures of the sister and saying her name.  We hope as they grow up they will love her just as much as we do.