I Am…

I wish …

I would have woken Clara up the morning she passed instead of “taking advantage” of her sleeping in.  I have always regretted that decision.

I remember …

All the kindness that was offered.  I still can’t believe the amount of love and support we got then and still receive now.

I could not believe…

The things people said.  People will say some cruel things.  Do me a favor and if you hear it, don’t repeat it.  Not to someone else and not to me.  It is okay to be a filter. If you think the comment was terrible, I definitely don’t need to know what Janny said about me at the community center during bingo.

If only …

I had wondered why she was so sleepy.  If only we had waited a while longer to switch her formula.  If only we had dressed her in lighter clothes. If only she had been sleeping on her back.  These are the things that I try not to dwell on.  I can’t change these.  I do know that letting go of these regrets has helped me move forward.

I am …

 forever changed.  I am growing.  I am not sad all the time anymore.  I am able to talk to about Clara without always sharing tears.  I am a different me.

#CaptureYourGrief
#WhatHealsYou